Sunday, October 24, 2010

Some days I still can't believe it

It's amazing I am over halfway through this pregnancy and I still have days where I look at my belly and go "Is this for real??" In approximately 4 1/2 months I am going to be a mom!! I spent so many years thinking this was never going to happen, that there was a good chance I would never have a child that its just hard to get past those thoughts.

My OB has labeled me Chronic Hypertensive (which just means an early onset of high blood pressure) The blood pressure pills seem to be doing there thing, my blood pressure has not been up like it was since I started them... Although still slighted elevated a heck of alot better!!! He was pretty 'frank' in expressing to me that there is a good chance I will have an early onset of Pre-Eclampsia. So I am on a low salt diet, walking (as much as I can), making sure to drink plenty of water, and watch my weight gain. He said in doing these things I can hopefully hold it off for a little while or at the very least if it does happen I will be the healthier for it!!!

I will have to be getting blood work done to make sure the blood pressure pills are not causing my platelets to drop. If they are I will have to go off of the blood pressure pills, because a drop in platelets could cause me to bleed out while in labor... I don't know what we do about the blood pressure if it comes to that, its not like I can just walk around with elevated blood pressure cause that can cause its own set of problems.

I have another U/S on the 1st which I am looking forward too =D Happy to get to see my little guy again, I love being able to not only feel his movements but watch them as well!! He is a little acrobat that is for sure, moving everywhere and kicking/punching me all over the place!!! The movements William can feel are still very few since my placenta is anterior my OB told me to expect that.... Hopefully soon we can both regularly enjoy the movements of our little miracle; Nolan Fredrick =)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

It's a BOY!!

So we found out on the 4th that we are having a lil boy!! DH is beyond excited I can't even begin to describe =P We almost didn't think he was going to be able to tell us, because apparently I am not U/S friendly LOL but luckily he moved just right so we could see his dinkie!!! I was right about his positioning too his head is right at my belly button and his feet are in my crotch!! I tell you I have experienced much more pleasant things than kicks to my crotch *eyeroll*

No good U/S pics to share they hardly showed anything interesting at all, so I have to go back on Nov 1st for another U/S so my OB can finish getting his measurements! My blood pressure was up AGAIN at this last appointment so he put me on blood pressure pills to see if that gets it under control... I am hoping so... I am way too early into this pregnancy to be labeled as high risk already...

Lost 2 more pounds this last appointment, so I am hoping by the next one I will at least put on a few pounds FX!!! Anywho... No more updates for now =)

Saturday, October 2, 2010


I am so aggravated with myself that I haven't had time to update this, but better late than never ;) I have officially started to feel this LO move!!!! It started on Thursday at 19weeks 1day!!!! I still can't believe it! Now that he/she has started moving he/she seems to never stop LOL I am now just waiting until they are strong enough for DH to feel them, but at the rate this is going that should not tbe too much longer... Or at least I hope!!

So the big day is Monday!! We get to find out whether we are joining Team Pink or Team Blue! I am still voting Pink LOL I am really really hoping that this LO chooses to cooperate so that we can see the goods =P Either way though it will be nice to get to see him/her... Man am I tired of having to say him/her LOL It gets really old!! Well nothing else interesting going on right now, better get back to laundry!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Keep Forgetting to Update!!

U/S #2!! I was measuring 12weeks 5days so my DD changed to Feb 23, 2011 =D Everything looks good with the baby!! DH actually went to this one with me, at first the LO was flipping all around and he was having a hard time figuring out what was what LOL I did find out that my uterus is titled back, so I am doing these silly exercises to try and make it flip back forward again.... FX it works!!!
My OB also mentioned that I 'might' have a hard time deliverying vaginally. Something in my pelvic region is larger than it should be and causes the space in my pelvis to be smaller than normal... So I guess depending on how big baby is depends on whether that would be a problem or not... I am hoping not, because I really want to deliver vabinally... I am not all for getting a C-Section.. but I suppose if thats the route I have to go to have my LO in my arms I will do it happily =) I do intend to try vaginally for as long as I can stand it and as long as the LO is not in any distress!!
Other than that... Nothing new going on on my end... My next appointment is the 13th, nothing interesting at that one just getting the results from my BW =) After that though it is gender determination time!! I am so excited!! First week of October and me and DH will know whether we are on team pink or blue =D Can't Wait!!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Can't wait!!!

Tomorrow is U/S #2!!! I am so excited!! This time around the baby should look more like a baby and less like a blob LOL I am starting to feel really bloated and blah here lately for some reason... I am really hoping that I haven't gained too much weight yet... That's one bad thing about having absolutely no M/S is that I have no reason not to give into these silly cravings I have been having!!

Either way I am excited to see our LO again and hopefully to get to 'hear' the heartbeat as well =D Well the job situation didn't work, its a long story so I will spare the details.... Let's just say people should really fully explain things... Anywho... DH's truck is still running, so thats a good thing LOL It'sbeen having some issues, but hopefully its nothing too serious!! I unfortunately have WIC appointment on Tuesday... I was trying to avoid getting on WIC, but with DH still not being able to find a job and his unemployment getting cut off we don't have much of a choice... We applied for FS and they gave us a whopping $16!! I swear that is someones idea of a practical joke....

Anywho... done with my complaining for now.. I should probably do something productive like clean the house HAHA my lazy butt... probably not hehehe =)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Good News, Bad News.....

<<<-- Pic is from yesterday at 10weeks 4days!! Still not seeing much of a difference, but I am definitely more 'tubby' than I was a month ago =P

So, shortly after we found out we were pregnant things began going unbelieveably down hill... DH's truck broke down, his unemployment was cut off, and than the motor in my truck blew!! It was a horrible couple of weeks and after my truck sitting in the shop for a month, the warranty company has concluded they are not going to replace my motor leaving me to foot the bill entirely... Like thats going to happen, so needless to say my truck will be at the Ford dealership for quite some time... We just got DH's truck up and running this past weekend so I am pretty excited about that =D

Well tonight William got a phone call about a job!!! He starts tomorrow, it is out of town unfortunately but after searching for a year and a half we can't really be too picky!!! I will adjust to him being out of town, I have done it before I can do it again!!
It kind of stinks though, because our next U/S is a week from tomorrow and DH was really looking forward to being there for this one =( The baby should look well... more like a baby LMAO!!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Our Little Blob's First Mugshot!!

My first appointment went great!! My OB did an u/s so I saw got to see a little blob!! It doesn't look like much in the photo, but while he was in there we could see a heartbeating!! I was so excited, since I have always been told the chance of miscarriage drops after seeing a heartbeat... I know theres still a chance, but it just makes me feel a little bit better...
I am not as far along as I thought, which makes sense because my cycles are longer than most peoples... So the day of the ultrasound I was 6weeks 2days and my HCG at 6weeks 1day was over 34000!!! He changed my due date til March 1st, which is okay because I will still more than likely have a February baby =) My next appointment is August 2nd and I will be 10weeks so I am hoping he uses the doppler so I can HEAR the little one's heartbeat!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Beta Results

At 13DPO my beta was 59 which is supposedly good for that early =) So I am pretty happy about that!! My first appointment is July 7th and I am so very nervous about the whole thing... I am so afraid of walking in there, getting my sonogram, and there being nothing there... It scares me more than I care to describe... It is unrealistic for me to feel this way, especially since I have never had a loss before and I am not experiencing any miscarriage symptoms... I think I am just crazy LOL
I am still worried about the simple fact that I am experiencing very few pregnancy symptoms... My biggest one is a stabbing sensation (almost like O pains) in my pelvic area; also alot of heavyness feeling (if that makes sense)... Other than that just major heartburn and very very slight breast tenderness... I am still early though, only 4Weeks 4Days tomorrow! The next 2 weeks until my appointment are going to be torture, but I will just have to push through it and try not to stress about it (yeah right!!)

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Everything Changes

For the best!!! We are pregnant and I am still in complete disbelief!! I had already wrote us off and started adjusting to the idea that we would not have a baby for quite some time. I am overly excited, but also scared and worried that I will loose it...
I went for a blood test yesterday to confirm, but I won't get the results back until Monday or possibly Tuesday... Which sucks, but its all a waiting game! I won't be able to get in for my first prenatal for a few weeks so I am just going to have to tough it out lol
William immediately started telling everyone and now I don't think there is a single person that doesn't know that we are pregnant!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

'Last' Month of TTC

I can't say that I am not just a little bit relieved that we are almost done with the Meds! Although, I am not giving up hope of having a child just yet I do know that it will probably be quite some time before we seek further medical assistance. Who knows, maybe we will get a miracle between now and than =)
Somehow I ended up with 5 extra Clomid pills, so after ringing my doctor he said if I wanted to go to 200mg for this month than basically to 'go for it' LOL He cracks me up! So that is what I am doing! I am doubtful it will make any difference, but its worth a shot!!
Hubby had an interview last Monday, but he didn't get the job =( He has another one tomorrow! I am so excited!! Usually he can't even get in for an interview, but now he's had 2 in a week and a half!! So I am keeping my FX that this one works out for us!! We have both been so very stressed financially and emotionally... TTC has drained us beyond we were prepared and with him not working it has been just that much worse!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mothers Day/Grandpa In Hospital

Was alot harder than I thought it would be... Although I did enjoy spending the morning with my mom... I dyed her hair, we went shopping, etc.. It was nice and got my mind off of everything for the most part... At least for a little while anyway =(
I am so overly depressed, I think it makes it even worse that our 3 year wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of this month... I so want to give DH a child and the thought it may not happen for us is over bearing.. On top of everything else we only have one more cycle after this one.. At that point our ability to have extra help stops and our chances to conceive without medical intervention is next to zero...
I so wish I could be like DH and be so positive all the time, but I see the world for what it is and not what I want it to be as he does...

After my beyond crappy day, I get a call a little while ago that my Grandpa fell off a ladder and hit his head... He has bleeding in his brain and some swelling as well. The doctors say they will not know the full extent of damage for a couple of days.. So until than we are all on pins and needles...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Smiley Face!!

So later on in the evening after my post complaining no + OPK I get a + OPK LMAO!! Still feeling un-optimistic about us getting pregnant on the Clomid, but were still going for it =) Me and DH have been talking about fostering/adoption over the past couple of weeks!! Fostering is something I have always wanted to do, but he is still iffy on it. He is worried of getting attached to a Foster child and than them leaving, which is understandable but I would love to be there for a child during a very tough period in there life. He is becoming more open to adoption (which he was so against it in the beginning)

I tried to get him to agree to adoption long before we began TTC, but he really had the desire to have a child of his own. I always knew it would be a struggle (if possible at all) to have a child and honestly never wanted the stress of TTC. I am almost relieved that we are about done with the Clomid. At least at that point we can begin focusing on other things in our life.

Since going to an RE and going through injectibles is just not financially realistic for us, we have both accepted that there is a very good chance that this could be the end of TTC for a long time. Although even after the Clomid is over and done with, I may still temp and watch my signs just in case I happen to get a fluke O of my own =) Anywho, Keep your FX for me!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Overly Aggrevated...

It is CD19 and I still have yet to get a + OPK... Ugh... I usually would have gotten one by now!! I don't know if being sick is pushing it back some or if it's not going to happen at all I am at a total loss... Temping is pointless because I am feverish and my temps in the a.m. are crazy high... Me and DH started BD'ing on Friday though and will continue to do so everyday until I am 100% positive I already ovulated, I really don't want to miss it... Especially with this being the month before our last month of TTC...

Upside is I am starting to feel better, although I am still really stuffy and sneezing and coughing like crazy better none-the-less LOL Anywho, I suppose I just have to be patient and see what the next couple days bring =) Patience was never exactly my strong suit!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Just a little vent,,,,,

Cycle #6 here we are... I have pretty much lost all hope in the Clomid altogether... I am expecting nothing out of this cycle or the next... I am going to call to find out how much an HSG will cost so that maybe I can at least get that done and out of the way... What other reason could there be for not getting pregnant yet, unless my tube's are blocked? It is currently CD 16 and BD'ing is supposed to begin this weekend, but I am sick as a dog and can barely function so I don't know how thats going to work... Can nothing ever work out smoothly? No wonder my favorite saying was always "Life sucks, and than you die" LOL

DH's cousin and girlfriend have also been TTC for a while, although after like 3 years they still refuse to get any additional help or admit that one of them might have a problem... Completely baffles me, anyway... His cousin was telling us that his girlfriend might be pregnant, and than went on about how they didn't need any help and how they did it all on there own... All of this right in front of me, when for 1 he knows how long we've been trying and for 2 knows that I am on meds to help us get pregnant!! I was so infuriated I almost threw him out of my house, but I kept my cool and just went and laid down =( I swear his family is so insensitive and that is exactly why I keep telling DH I don't want most of them to know...

Well I suppose up side is if the Clomid doesn't work, than we are taking a break from all the TTC mess and will have more time to focus on our relationship and re-modeling out house which I am overly excited about!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

**Halfway There**

Well today is 7DPO... My chart looks decent so far, but it always does at this point. The past 2 months my temp has dropped on exactly 10DPO so if I see a drop then I can be fairly certain that I am not pg (or at least so I think lol) This week hasn't been too bad I suppose, although the second half of the 2WW always seems longer to me =) Double bummer being if I do start AF I am due the day of our Relay For Life which I go to straight after work at 6:15 and stay all night til 5 or 6 a.m. the following morning!!

Me and DH have had a couple discussions over the past week or so about our lack of time spent together, so this Sunday I am surprising William by taking us to Busch Gardens. He doesn't even know I bought the passes yet =) He has always really wanted to go see the animal exhibits there and I love roller coasters so I really thought it would be something we could both enjoy 2gether!! Our relationship really needs this, we have been so stressed not only with TTC but just a mess of family crap altogether!
Plus, something deep down inside of me is worried that if we can not have a child that our relationship may not survive. Not that we would ever split because we couldn't have a child, its just that most couples spend the majority of there relationships raising children. Without that we would have a considerable gap to fill, I am therefore bound and determined to find activities that we can do together as a couple =)

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Woohoo!! After a very stressful week I got my ch's this morning!! Our BD'ing this past week was really complicated and stressful, so I am hoping that all that hassle pays off! I got the + OPK on Tuesday and DH was going out of town on Wednesday morning so I thought it was perfect timing... Well Thursday comes and still no temp rise, so I had to make a 2 hour drive after I got off work at 5: 30 to go BD with DH and drive back.. I didn't get home 'til about 12:30 a.m. I was overly exhausted!! Upside being if we conceive this cycle we would have conceived on April Fools Day and the Due Date would be December 23 with is 4 days before DH's birthday!!! I am doing my very best to stay as optimistic as possible this cycle!! I want this to happen so badly and we are 3 cycles down and only 2 more to go.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

It is TIME!!

Woohoo for a smiley face! Today is CD18 and I got the smiley face at like 7 p.m. so I don't know if today is O day or if tmrw is, but it came at perfect timing. DH goes out of town tomorrow so we can 'do the deed' in the a.m. before he leaves and be all set :) I am really hopeful for this month!! I am ready to be prego already so I can start buying baby stuff LOL DH is ready to start on the 'baby to-be's' room but I am still trying to be fairly cautious about the whole situation...

Thursday, March 18, 2010

**3rd Times The Charm**

<<-- This quote is my ultimate favorite since I started TTC! It is thoughtful it is emotional and most importantly it is totally and utterly the truth!! This is Round 3 on 150mg.. maybe that means this will be our lucky cycle.
I hope that is true, it is our last chance at a 2010 baby.... I had a rough day today.. Woke up with a migraine (gotta love that Clomid) that just wouldn't go away. I didn't want to be at work anyway, so that just added to it.

DH is out of town again, I really hate it when he's not here. I never seem to sleep very well. I feel so lonely when he's gone. It has made me come to the realization that outside of my husband I have no social life anymore :) It's not anyone's fault really, it just kind of happened. After our wedding my friends kind of stopped having anything to do with me. Whether this was intentional or not I have not the slightest clue. I only know that most of them disagreed with my marrying DH. Why is it that the people closest to me could not see what an amazing gift I had found?

It all came down to his age... 7 years difference between me and DH... yes i know this is substantial, but it does not change how we feel for one another... yes he is the reason TTC began so soon, but no he did not pressure me. He actually gave me all the time in the world. We have been together for 6 years and from the beginning I knew he wanted children. I at that time, could care less either way (How things change lol) He would've waited longer if I had said I needed more time, but I felt it was time.. He has given so much to me (and for me) over the years that I could not see keeping him from being the absolutely amazing father I know he will be!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Gearing Up For a New Cycle!

Feeling a little better today about TTC... I am still overly sick of the situation, but I discovered something the other day that made me feel a little better. Apparently you can buy injectibles for alot cheaper by ordering them from Europe!! So at least I know if the Clomid doesn't work for us, than maybe we do have further options we can look into.
The ones from Europe are much more realistic for our financial position, than buying them from the U.S. There would be absolutely no way we could dump 3 to 5 grand into one cycle. That is just not for us in any way shape or form!!
I have decided not to temp until after I finish the Clomid, I am thinking a little mini break from temping might make me feel a little less stressed *shrugs* I don't know if its working, but I am happy not having to hear that damn (excuse the language) beep every morning!! Unfortunately it seems that William is going to be out of time when its O time for us again :( He is only working 2-3 hours away so he plans on driving back and forth. I just feel so bad that he is going to have to do that. He is SO dedicated to TTC that as soon as I mentioned that he was going to be gone during O week he said "I'll just drive back and forth" There was no more talk, he made up his mind :)
I find it absolutely amazing that he wants this as much as I do, actually probably more. It also saddens me to know that if he had picked any other woman he would be a father already. Not only did I make him wait years before trying, but now we are struggling :( He gets upset every time I mention that and tells me that he would rather have me than children if it came down to that. And for him, that means more than words could ever describe. He sure does know how to make a girl feel good about herself :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Why Can't I...

Just stop looking at baby stuff already!! I swear, I am obsessive and I don't know how to stop!! It hurts every time I look, so why do I keep doing it? Am I just looking to torture myself? At first I just felt like I was educating myself with looking at the CD's and all, but now its just ridiculous. I don't have a baby, I am not pregnant, so why can't I stop looking at all this freaking baby stuff!!

Okay, I think I am done with my rant now. Today is CD 2 and I don't know if I am ready for this cycle. I just feel 'done' with TTC. I don't want a baby any less than I did 15 months ago, but I want my sanity back. I feel like such a failure, everyday is a constant reminder that I suck. That my body sucks, and this whole situation sucks. I was really hoping to get pregnant and have a baby before 2010 was up. That way I could go back to school and everything would work out smoothly. This cycle will be our last chance to make that happen. I suppose maybe that's why I am so stressed.

This will be cycle #5 on Clomid. Will it ever work? Or am I destined to keep trying and trying, dumping more and more money into TTC and get nothing in return? So many questions, and absolutely no answers......

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Feeling Sorry For Myself

Didn't O until CD18, but better than CD21 LOL Not feeling very optimistic about this cycle for some reason.. Although I don't have any particular reason not too, I just don't... What can I say? I am a pessimist LOL I think some of it may have to do with my Progesterone testing tomorrow. I am so worried that my levels aren't going to be high enough.

I guess four Clomid cycles in and I am getting a little exhausted.. It has been very stressful over the past year, and now all the meds are just adding to it... Sometimes I wonder if its all even worth it... I mean I want to have a baby, but what if no baby comes of all the effort I have been putting in. What than? Do I write it off as a failure and move on? Would I be able to move on?

I suppose I am getting ahead of myself. My OB agreed to 5 total cycles on 150mg (although I really don't want to be on it that long) so almost 2 cycles down and 3 to go... It doesn't help that DH is out of town, he is really good at getting me out of these funks that I get into... I suppose I will have to tough it out until tmrw night when he comes home =)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

150mg **Round 2**

Currently CD16 and it looks like I may have O'd yesterday.. Although I suppose that would be a good thing so I am not complaining lol =) My OB put me on Metformin a couple weeks ago at my last appointment and I wonder if that had a hand in me O'ing earlier? I suppose only time will tell!! The Metformin is ridiculous!! It has had my tummy so upset for the past couple weeks it's not even funny!! I almost want to stop taking it, but if I did O yesterday and the Met was the cause than I don't want to mess with a good thing KWIM :-) Other than that nothing overly interesting is going on.. Still have to work some kinks out when it comes to the house situation, and our remodeling discussions are becoming more and more frequent... DH wants to start on the 'baby to be's room' but I kind of want to wait... I am optimistic that we are going to get pregnant, but IF we don't than there are other places in the house I would like to start remodeling first. Oh well, we will see =)

Friday, January 29, 2010

CH's never looked so beautiful!!

It seems I ovulated!!! Late that is, on CD21, but ovulated none the less! It's amazing how exciting this can be, considering we haven't achieved pregnancy yet I feel so much closer to our goal. William was confused when I woke up this morning and told him I had O'd over the weekend. We had talked and kind of both decided we had no faith in the 150mg and as I posted the other day our TTC journey would have been over.

Now that the 150mg worked, he wants to continue to TTC. Which is okay, but we've also got to deal with buying this place and remodeling it. I am just afraid of over whelming us. William is pretty adamant(in his way) about continuing to TTC. I am leaning towards yes at the moment only because we've come this far and I have put my body through too much crap to give up now!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Our journey has come to an end...

It seems that the 150mg did not work.. Which means our TTC journey is coming to an end for some time.. We can't afford to go through the testing and treatment that a specialist would require =( It is unfortunate, but financially we just aren't able to swing it at this point in our life...

Although on the bright side, our land lords have finally decided to sell us this place. So that is exciting. We decided fixing up the house was more pertinent than funding our TTC journey at this point in our life. I will continue to save, but the saving will be split to fund our remodeling as well. Maybe over the next couple of years we maybe able to return to TTC'ing but for now, it's just not very realistic.

I am also putting a big step forward trying to loose weight, in the hope that the weight loss will stimulate some sort of response related to regulating my cycles. One can only hope, but loosing weight will be a slow process so once again only time will tell =(

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So I Start...

150mg tomorrow.... Really hoping it works, because if not this is the end of our TTC journey for a while =( It's really frustrating to decide to have a baby and than your body will not cooperate with you... We can't afford to continue any further at the moment... Hopefully when our income tax comes in that will at least give us enough money to have some tests down to get a more definitive 'game plan' so to speak. If only the stupid insurance company would agree to cover just a little bit of the costs it would be so helpful, but unfortunately being infertile isn't important enough to be covered under HMO Insurance =(