Sunday, March 14, 2010

Why Can't I...

Just stop looking at baby stuff already!! I swear, I am obsessive and I don't know how to stop!! It hurts every time I look, so why do I keep doing it? Am I just looking to torture myself? At first I just felt like I was educating myself with looking at the CD's and all, but now its just ridiculous. I don't have a baby, I am not pregnant, so why can't I stop looking at all this freaking baby stuff!!

Okay, I think I am done with my rant now. Today is CD 2 and I don't know if I am ready for this cycle. I just feel 'done' with TTC. I don't want a baby any less than I did 15 months ago, but I want my sanity back. I feel like such a failure, everyday is a constant reminder that I suck. That my body sucks, and this whole situation sucks. I was really hoping to get pregnant and have a baby before 2010 was up. That way I could go back to school and everything would work out smoothly. This cycle will be our last chance to make that happen. I suppose maybe that's why I am so stressed.

This will be cycle #5 on Clomid. Will it ever work? Or am I destined to keep trying and trying, dumping more and more money into TTC and get nothing in return? So many questions, and absolutely no answers......

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