Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Pregnancy Update - 8wks 4dys

Or at least I think that's how far along I am (if not, I am close ;-)

Nausea had been rough for the past couple weeks, if I wasn't eating, I felt sick.  So far, the past few days have been ok.  Little boughts of nausea when I go too long between meals or eat too much, but that's about it.  So, I am hoping that means it's over!!

I am bloated beyond belief.  My belly is probably nearing the size it was in my second trimester with Nolan!  It's crazy!  It'll be quite a while before this mama takes any belly pictures, it's much too jello-y still!

Still having lots of growing pains, but they are better than what they were.  My boobs still hurt randomly and will feel really full out of nowhere, but that is to be expected.

My plan is to make my first Mid-Wife prenatal appointment for between 11-12 weeks.  I tried calling yesterday, but no answer.  Leaving a message would be pointless, considering the hours that I work.  If given the chance, I plan on trying to take a break this morning and try again.  It is amazing how nervous I am to make a prenatal appointment!?!?!  I am baffled by the knot that comes up in my stomach everytime I make the call.

Why am I so nervous?  It's beyond me.  Something I need to work on though, if I am to have any hope of getting the birth that I want. 

I just need to remember my 'word of the year' ((positive thinking speaker idea))


Faith in my body, Faith in my abilities, and Faith in myself.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

VBAC Community - In An Uproar

Recently a woman was threatened by a USF doctor to have police drag her out of her own.  You can read the news story here.  It was frightening to say the least, as a woman hoping with every fiber of her being to get that VBAC I so desperately want.  What's worse?  This is my locale.  If I become too 'high risk' (and yes, I will always use that term as 'high risk') and risk out of home-birth, USF will be the only place I have to turn too. 

So, how does that make me feel?

Scared.  Even more scared than I was a few weeks ago, when I discovered my pregnancy, and knew that my VBAC journey was going to be rough.

What would I say to Dr. Y given the chance? (we know I'll never get the nerve to bring this up in person if I were to meet him)

I know from many woman whom you have assisted in their VBACs, from midwives with whom I have spoken, and even from USF staff that you are supportive of VBAC.  It even appears, selflessly supportive.  While a hospital scared me, the idea of birthing in a room, stuck to monitors, on my back, gave me anxieity I could not describe - You did not.  Until now. 

Can I trust you to know I would do anything and everything in my power to get my baby here healthy?  No matter how badly I want my VBAC, there is not ONE mother on this earth that will tell you that is more important than her childs health. 

Did you forget this for a moment?
Would you make those threats to me?

We are all human and we all make errors in judgement (or did you think you would not get caught?).

These are the matters that cross my mind

Ultimately, my goal is to pretend like it didn't happen.  To attempt to see you as the same VBAC supportive man I had heard so much about previously.  That way, if I end up in your care, the stress of it alone doesn't send me over the brink.

Because the real truth is Dr Y..........
If we can't trust you, who can we Tampa mamas trust?