Friday, September 13, 2013

A Moment of Real - 34wks 6days

I try not to let too much emotion roll into the Blog. I prefer to keep it a place of pure information. So in order to keep precendent of that, current update includes......

*Right side of me (foot mainly) is still swelling quite a bit more than the left side. The left side will appear semi puffy by the end of the day whereas my right ankle looks like there is a golf ball shoved inside of it. It is quite interesting.

*I've had a couple days this past week of waking up with numb hands. I think it is mostly my own fault. I've been slacking on my eating habits and exercise, so the swelling is definitely worse. It only happens in the morning after I wake up and goes away quickly. I plan on getting back to my routine after the baby shower and hopefully we will see some improvement.

*At home BP has been floating in the mid 120's over low 80's. So pretty much the same there. I have been experiencing moments of high anxiety where I can feel my blood pressure go up dramatically. I've been working on it and that is part of the reason for this post.

Now for the real stuff......

Might as well call this 35wks. In Nolan's pregnancy, in 2 weeks time I would've been put on bedrest for high BP and in 3 weeks time I was being induced and subsequently told that I couldn't deliver my baby naturally. That time line is hard for me to accept and I know it is going to just get harder as it gets closer.

I remember this same gut wrenching feeling as 19-20wks approached. That was when my BP went high and they threw me on medications for it. After that date came, everything was normal, and it passed - I felt much better. I am hoping the same is true for this as well.

Than of course... the "what ifs" creep in and toy with my emotions. "What if my BP goes up again" "What if I have to transfer care" "What if they want to induce me" "What if, What if, What if"

My last appointment Charlie talked briefly about other clients they've had with similar BP issues while pregnant, even when they've sent them for consults, they were sent right back again because of no other signs of Pre-E or anything more serious. That, in a sense, is comforting to know. My BP will not be something that I agree to an induction (or a C/S for). Unless there are signs of something more serious, I refuse.

So.... Anyway.... My mind has been rolling these things around and is having a hard time letting them go. The anxiety is building up and comes bursting through at times when I can feel my chest and breathing tighten and my heart rate accelerate. I need to get back to walking which I think will help to release some anxiety. I was hoping getting it out here would help to releave some of that anxiety that I've been experiencing.

My goal - keep taking it one day at a time.

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