Tuesday, October 29, 2013

NST #1 @ 41weeks 2days

I didn't have the energy to update yesterday.... Basically I am just going to copy and paste what I posted in ICAN. There is more in the gaps that I didn't fill in, but thinking about it still angers/upsets me and I am really trying not to dwell on it.

"I had my NST/BPP at TGH today. Baby looked fantastic (passed both BEAUTIFULLY) but they were AWFUL. The moment I said I was a homebirth the nurse got cold and it was harassment from than on.

I was stuck on the NST machine for two hours, despite them coming in and telling me his heart tones looked fine after less than an hour. I finally took it off and refused to wear it any longer (of course they argued). It is only a 30ish minute test for goodness sake.

I spent an additional two hours repeatedly refusing a cervical check and telling the resident doctor, at least, three times that I did not want to be induced. All while she told me I was risking my babies life and was I SURE I understood the risks.

Finally got the BPP and waited another hour for the overseeing doctor to come in and tell me that I was trying to leave my son without a mother and trying to kill my baby. I had finally had enough and told her I wasn't there to ask for her approval on my decision to home birth. At that point she wrapped up her conversation with he's measuring big and probably won't come out vaginally anyway.

I am scheduled to go back on Wednesday and I am already stressed out about it. I was there for almost 7 hours today. SEVEN. I feel so..... de-humanized... I wasn't asking them to agree with my choice AND little man looked perfect... So why, why the harassment?!?!?! I don't know if I can emotionally handle this."

This where I will have to deliver if my homebirth doesn't work out or if I go beyond 42 weeks. They kept talking about how VBAC friendly they were, maybe that's true - if I totally and completely and only comply with what YOU want. Otherwise all I saw was a bunch of fear-mongering bullys.

I couldn't even get the energy up to contact the midwife and let her know how it went. I don't think I can go back on Wednesday, I just... don't know if I can handle it again. Yesterday had me so broken down by the time I got home, I was emotionally drained, I don't need that right now.

I'll be calling my midwife here shortly once I get a break at work and probably giving the OK to do the sweep. Don't know how we'll meet up today being that I work all day, but we'll see. I am hoping that I can convince her to push back having another NST til Friday.

Exciting news!!! I had some bloody show last night at about 8ish (er at least that is what I am pretty sure it was, it was CM/Mucous mixed with what was clearly blood). No contractions and no more since than so maybe it was just a one time fluke. Who knows.... It is about the only 'progress' I've had - so I'll take what I can at this point.

Anyway, nothing else interesting to report. Hopefully soon :-)

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