Smiley Face!!

So later on in the evening after my post complaining no + OPK I get a + OPK LMAO!! Still feeling un-optimistic about us getting pregnant on the Clomid, but were still going for it =) Me and DH have been talking about fostering/adoption over the past couple of weeks!! Fostering is something I have always wanted to do, but he is still iffy on it. He is worried of getting attached to a Foster child and than them leaving, which is understandable but I would love to be there for a child during a very tough period in there life. He is becoming more open to adoption (which he was so against it in the beginning)

I tried to get him to agree to adoption long before we began TTC, but he really had the desire to have a child of his own. I always knew it would be a struggle (if possible at all) to have a child and honestly never wanted the stress of TTC. I am almost relieved that we are about done with the Clomid. At least at that point we can begin focusing on other things in our life.

Since going to an RE and going through injectibles is just not financially realistic for us, we have both accepted that there is a very good chance that this could be the end of TTC for a long time. Although even after the Clomid is over and done with, I may still temp and watch my signs just in case I happen to get a fluke O of my own =) Anywho, Keep your FX for me!!

Overly Aggrevated...

It is CD19 and I still have yet to get a + OPK... Ugh... I usually would have gotten one by now!! I don't know if being sick is pushing it back some or if it's not going to happen at all I am at a total loss... Temping is pointless because I am feverish and my temps in the a.m. are crazy high... Me and DH started BD'ing on Friday though and will continue to do so everyday until I am 100% positive I already ovulated, I really don't want to miss it... Especially with this being the month before our last month of TTC...

Upside is I am starting to feel better, although I am still really stuffy and sneezing and coughing like crazy better none-the-less LOL Anywho, I suppose I just have to be patient and see what the next couple days bring =) Patience was never exactly my strong suit!

Just a little vent,,,,,

Cycle #6 here we are... I have pretty much lost all hope in the Clomid altogether... I am expecting nothing out of this cycle or the next... I am going to call to find out how much an HSG will cost so that maybe I can at least get that done and out of the way... What other reason could there be for not getting pregnant yet, unless my tube's are blocked? It is currently CD 16 and BD'ing is supposed to begin this weekend, but I am sick as a dog and can barely function so I don't know how thats going to work... Can nothing ever work out smoothly? No wonder my favorite saying was always "Life sucks, and than you die" LOL

DH's cousin and girlfriend have also been TTC for a while, although after like 3 years they still refuse to get any additional help or admit that one of them might have a problem... Completely baffles me, anyway... His cousin was telling us that his girlfriend might be pregnant, and than went on about how they didn't need any help and how they did it all on there own... All of this right in front of me, when for 1 he knows how long we've been trying and for 2 knows that I am on meds to help us get pregnant!! I was so infuriated I almost threw him out of my house, but I kept my cool and just went and laid down =( I swear his family is so insensitive and that is exactly why I keep telling DH I don't want most of them to know...

Well I suppose up side is if the Clomid doesn't work, than we are taking a break from all the TTC mess and will have more time to focus on our relationship and re-modeling out house which I am overly excited about!!

**Halfway There**

Well today is 7DPO... My chart looks decent so far, but it always does at this point. The past 2 months my temp has dropped on exactly 10DPO so if I see a drop then I can be fairly certain that I am not pg (or at least so I think lol) This week hasn't been too bad I suppose, although the second half of the 2WW always seems longer to me =) Double bummer being if I do start AF I am due the day of our Relay For Life which I go to straight after work at 6:15 and stay all night til 5 or 6 a.m. the following morning!!

Me and DH have had a couple discussions over the past week or so about our lack of time spent together, so this Sunday I am surprising William by taking us to Busch Gardens. He doesn't even know I bought the passes yet =) He has always really wanted to go see the animal exhibits there and I love roller coasters so I really thought it would be something we could both enjoy 2gether!! Our relationship really needs this, we have been so stressed not only with TTC but just a mess of family crap altogether!
Plus, something deep down inside of me is worried that if we can not have a child that our relationship may not survive. Not that we would ever split because we couldn't have a child, its just that most couples spend the majority of there relationships raising children. Without that we would have a considerable gap to fill, I am therefore bound and determined to find activities that we can do together as a couple =)

**Crosshairs**

Woohoo!! After a very stressful week I got my ch's this morning!! Our BD'ing this past week was really complicated and stressful, so I am hoping that all that hassle pays off! I got the + OPK on Tuesday and DH was going out of town on Wednesday morning so I thought it was perfect timing... Well Thursday comes and still no temp rise, so I had to make a 2 hour drive after I got off work at 5: 30 to go BD with DH and drive back.. I didn't get home 'til about 12:30 a.m. I was overly exhausted!! Upside being if we conceive this cycle we would have conceived on April Fools Day and the Due Date would be December 23 with is 4 days before DH's birthday!!! I am doing my very best to stay as optimistic as possible this cycle!! I want this to happen so badly and we are 3 cycles down and only 2 more to go.

It is TIME!!

Woohoo for a smiley face! Today is CD18 and I got the smiley face at like 7 p.m. so I don't know if today is O day or if tmrw is, but it came at perfect timing. DH goes out of town tomorrow so we can 'do the deed' in the a.m. before he leaves and be all set :) I am really hopeful for this month!! I am ready to be prego already so I can start buying baby stuff LOL DH is ready to start on the 'baby to-be's' room but I am still trying to be fairly cautious about the whole situation...

**3rd Times The Charm**

<<-- This quote is my ultimate favorite since I started TTC! It is thoughtful it is emotional and most importantly it is totally and utterly the truth!! This is Round 3 on 150mg.. maybe that means this will be our lucky cycle.
I hope that is true, it is our last chance at a 2010 baby.... I had a rough day today.. Woke up with a migraine (gotta love that Clomid) that just wouldn't go away. I didn't want to be at work anyway, so that just added to it.

DH is out of town again, I really hate it when he's not here. I never seem to sleep very well. I feel so lonely when he's gone. It has made me come to the realization that outside of my husband I have no social life anymore :) It's not anyone's fault really, it just kind of happened. After our wedding my friends kind of stopped having anything to do with me. Whether this was intentional or not I have not the slightest clue. I only know that most of them disagreed with my marrying DH. Why is it that the people closest to me could not see what an amazing gift I had found?

It all came down to his age... 7 years difference between me and DH... yes i know this is substantial, but it does not change how we feel for one another... yes he is the reason TTC began so soon, but no he did not pressure me. He actually gave me all the time in the world. We have been together for 6 years and from the beginning I knew he wanted children. I at that time, could care less either way (How things change lol) He would've waited longer if I had said I needed more time, but I felt it was time.. He has given so much to me (and for me) over the years that I could not see keeping him from being the absolutely amazing father I know he will be!!