Our Little Blob's First Mugshot!!

My first appointment went great!! My OB did an u/s so I saw got to see a little blob!! It doesn't look like much in the photo, but while he was in there we could see a heartbeating!! I was so excited, since I have always been told the chance of miscarriage drops after seeing a heartbeat... I know theres still a chance, but it just makes me feel a little bit better...

I am not as far along as I thought, which makes sense because my cycles are longer than most peoples... So the day of the ultrasound I was 6weeks 2days and my HCG at 6weeks 1day was over 34000!!! He changed my due date til March 1st, which is okay because I will still more than likely have a February baby =) My next appointment is August 2nd and I will be 10weeks so I am hoping he uses the doppler so I can HEAR the little one's heartbeat!!

Beta Results

At 13DPO my beta was 59 which is supposedly good for that early =) So I am pretty happy about that!! My first appointment is July 7th and I am so very nervous about the whole thing... I am so afraid of walking in there, getting my sonogram, and there being nothing there... It scares me more than I care to describe... It is unrealistic for me to feel this way, especially since I have never had a loss before and I am not experiencing any miscarriage symptoms... I think I am just crazy LOL
I am still worried about the simple fact that I am experiencing very few pregnancy symptoms... My biggest one is a stabbing sensation (almost like O pains) in my pelvic area; also alot of heavyness feeling (if that makes sense)... Other than that just major heartburn and very very slight breast tenderness... I am still early though, only 4Weeks 4Days tomorrow! The next 2 weeks until my appointment are going to be torture, but I will just have to push through it and try not to stress about it (yeah right!!)

Everything Changes

For the best!!! We are pregnant and I am still in complete disbelief!! I had already wrote us off and started adjusting to the idea that we would not have a baby for quite some time. I am overly excited, but also scared and worried that I will loose it...

I went for a blood test yesterday to confirm, but I won't get the results back until Monday or possibly Tuesday... Which sucks, but its all a waiting game! I won't be able to get in for my first prenatal for a few weeks so I am just going to have to tough it out lol

William immediately started telling everyone and now I don't think there is a single person that doesn't know that we are pregnant!!

'Last' Month of TTC

I can't say that I am not just a little bit relieved that we are almost done with the Meds! Although, I am not giving up hope of having a child just yet I do know that it will probably be quite some time before we seek further medical assistance. Who knows, maybe we will get a miracle between now and than =)
Somehow I ended up with 5 extra Clomid pills, so after ringing my doctor he said if I wanted to go to 200mg for this month than basically to 'go for it' LOL He cracks me up! So that is what I am doing! I am doubtful it will make any difference, but its worth a shot!!
Hubby had an interview last Monday, but he didn't get the job =( He has another one tomorrow! I am so excited!! Usually he can't even get in for an interview, but now he's had 2 in a week and a half!! So I am keeping my FX that this one works out for us!! We have both been so very stressed financially and emotionally... TTC has drained us beyond we were prepared and with him not working it has been just that much worse!

Mothers Day/Grandpa In Hospital

Was alot harder than I thought it would be... Although I did enjoy spending the morning with my mom... I dyed her hair, we went shopping, etc.. It was nice and got my mind off of everything for the most part... At least for a little while anyway =(
I am so overly depressed, I think it makes it even worse that our 3 year wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of this month... I so want to give DH a child and the thought it may not happen for us is over bearing.. On top of everything else we only have one more cycle after this one.. At that point our ability to have extra help stops and our chances to conceive without medical intervention is next to zero...
I so wish I could be like DH and be so positive all the time, but I see the world for what it is and not what I want it to be as he does...

After my beyond crappy day, I get a call a little while ago that my Grandpa fell off a ladder and hit his head... He has bleeding in his brain and some swelling as well. The doctors say they will not know the full extent of damage for a couple of days.. So until than we are all on pins and needles...

Smiley Face!!

So later on in the evening after my post complaining no + OPK I get a + OPK LMAO!! Still feeling un-optimistic about us getting pregnant on the Clomid, but were still going for it =) Me and DH have been talking about fostering/adoption over the past couple of weeks!! Fostering is something I have always wanted to do, but he is still iffy on it. He is worried of getting attached to a Foster child and than them leaving, which is understandable but I would love to be there for a child during a very tough period in there life. He is becoming more open to adoption (which he was so against it in the beginning)

I tried to get him to agree to adoption long before we began TTC, but he really had the desire to have a child of his own. I always knew it would be a struggle (if possible at all) to have a child and honestly never wanted the stress of TTC. I am almost relieved that we are about done with the Clomid. At least at that point we can begin focusing on other things in our life.

Since going to an RE and going through injectibles is just not financially realistic for us, we have both accepted that there is a very good chance that this could be the end of TTC for a long time. Although even after the Clomid is over and done with, I may still temp and watch my signs just in case I happen to get a fluke O of my own =) Anywho, Keep your FX for me!!

Overly Aggrevated...

It is CD19 and I still have yet to get a + OPK... Ugh... I usually would have gotten one by now!! I don't know if being sick is pushing it back some or if it's not going to happen at all I am at a total loss... Temping is pointless because I am feverish and my temps in the a.m. are crazy high... Me and DH started BD'ing on Friday though and will continue to do so everyday until I am 100% positive I already ovulated, I really don't want to miss it... Especially with this being the month before our last month of TTC...

Upside is I am starting to feel better, although I am still really stuffy and sneezing and coughing like crazy better none-the-less LOL Anywho, I suppose I just have to be patient and see what the next couple days bring =) Patience was never exactly my strong suit!