First Midwife Appointment - 11weeks 5ishdays

Well, my midwife appointment came and went this past Thursday. On the upside, I adore Marianne, she is sweet and compassionate and really easy to talk too. The difference in the way I felt in her MW care compared to when I was seeing and OB was remarkable. I was a part of the whole process, I was seen immediately, without an hour long wait in the waiting room. She listened  to me, she talked to me, she explained things to me when I asked a question without appearing annoyed in the least. Loved her. No doubt.

To the not-so-good stuff. My BP was up already (130/90), but honestly before walked in I felt a mild panic attack coming on before taking a moment to breathe. So, I was not surprised. Urine showed nothing interesting - all clear there. What was quite nerve wracking was the lack of a heart beat. She tried so hard, at two different intervals, to try and find it, but no luck. She didn't seem overly concerned, I do have a tilted uterus which can cause these problems. Does this make me any less worried? Hell no.

She asked if I wanted a referral for an U/S and I did. It is scheduled for the 15th (so far away!) and hopefully we will get some reassurance that this little one is OK. On the BP note she suggested that I try CALM (a Calcium Magnesium supplement) and Nettle Leaf Tea to help with the BP, anxiety, and anemia. I found the CALM at my local health food store and started it last night, I managed to find tea bags (but not the loose leaves she wanted) so I grabbed those. Drank my first Nettle Tea (with added honey) today, bearable, but most definitely not enjoyable. I'll be ordering the loose Nettle leaves online as soon as I find them.

We thoroughly enjoyed our first real Easter (previously we didn't do much since Nolan wasn't walking). Once Nolan figured it out, he really enjoyed himself!!

I think hubs and I did pretty well with the eggs! Nolan added the stickers!

Get Ready, Get Set, GOOOOO!!

aaannnddd.... Distracted by the truck!

 







Noooow we get it!!!














Checking out the booty with daddy!!!

Pregnancy Update - 8wks 4dys

Or at least I think that's how far along I am (if not, I am close ;-)

Nausea had been rough for the past couple weeks, if I wasn't eating, I felt sick.  So far, the past few days have been ok.  Little boughts of nausea when I go too long between meals or eat too much, but that's about it.  So, I am hoping that means it's over!!

I am bloated beyond belief.  My belly is probably nearing the size it was in my second trimester with Nolan!  It's crazy!  It'll be quite a while before this mama takes any belly pictures, it's much too jello-y still!

Still having lots of growing pains, but they are better than what they were.  My boobs still hurt randomly and will feel really full out of nowhere, but that is to be expected.

My plan is to make my first Mid-Wife prenatal appointment for between 11-12 weeks.  I tried calling yesterday, but no answer.  Leaving a message would be pointless, considering the hours that I work.  If given the chance, I plan on trying to take a break this morning and try again.  It is amazing how nervous I am to make a prenatal appointment!?!?!  I am baffled by the knot that comes up in my stomach everytime I make the call.

Why am I so nervous?  It's beyond me.  Something I need to work on though, if I am to have any hope of getting the birth that I want. 

I just need to remember my 'word of the year' ((positive thinking speaker idea))

FAITH

Faith in my body, Faith in my abilities, and Faith in myself.

VBAC Community - In An Uproar

Recently a woman was threatened by a USF doctor to have police drag her out of her own.  You can read the news story here.  It was frightening to say the least, as a woman hoping with every fiber of her being to get that VBAC I so desperately want.  What's worse?  This is my locale.  If I become too 'high risk' (and yes, I will always use that term as 'high risk') and risk out of home-birth, USF will be the only place I have to turn too. 

So, how does that make me feel?

Scared.  Even more scared than I was a few weeks ago, when I discovered my pregnancy, and knew that my VBAC journey was going to be rough.

What would I say to Dr. Y given the chance? (we know I'll never get the nerve to bring this up in person if I were to meet him)

I know from many woman whom you have assisted in their VBACs, from midwives with whom I have spoken, and even from USF staff that you are supportive of VBAC.  It even appears, selflessly supportive.  While a hospital scared me, the idea of birthing in a room, stuck to monitors, on my back, gave me anxieity I could not describe - You did not.  Until now. 

Can I trust you to know I would do anything and everything in my power to get my baby here healthy?  No matter how badly I want my VBAC, there is not ONE mother on this earth that will tell you that is more important than her childs health. 

Did you forget this for a moment?
 
Would you make those threats to me?

We are all human and we all make errors in judgement (or did you think you would not get caught?).

These are the matters that cross my mind

Ultimately, my goal is to pretend like it didn't happen.  To attempt to see you as the same VBAC supportive man I had heard so much about previously.  That way, if I end up in your care, the stress of it alone doesn't send me over the brink.

Because the real truth is Dr Y..........
If we can't trust you, who can we Tampa mamas trust?

Mid-Wife Consultation

I met with an amazing MW named Mariann today.  It was astonishingly refreshing to speak to someone who really had a passion for birth and understood the desire to birth free of interventions.  I didn't feel, as though with my husbands sometimes, like I am speaking to a brick wall.  While supportive and loving, he doesn't really 'get it' in the way that I need him to do sometimes.

The basic run down, is pretty much what I expected.  As long as I don't experience any blood pressure issues, like I did with Nolan, than all should be a go for a home birth if I choose.  If my blood pressure issues resurface, which honestly I think they will, than my care would have to be transferred to an OB.  While I understand why this has to be done, I do not like it.

One thing I was quite thrilled about is her ease and understanding of transferring in and out of care if need be.  I can start with her and she'll help me transition to an OB if I need too or I can start with an OB and if no blood pressure issues arrive and I am confident in a home birth, I can transfer back to her at about any point in time.  I found this incredibly reassuring knowing that the decision I make now is not the ultimate decider for the remainder of my pregnancy.

She also informed me, which I didn't know, that TGH will do gentle induction for VBAC patients.  That was quite a surprise to me and another source of relief.  While I hope that BP issues aren't a problem, it's nice to know that IF they are, we have options.  I won't have an OB in my face screaming C-SECTION, C-SECTION!!  They will actually attempt to induce me first and let me try for a vaginal birth.  Albeit, hooked up to monitors and IVs and the like, but still.  ((See, this is me trying to be optimistic))

Ultimately the consultation brought me a lot of answers and some clarification on things and I am beyond happy that I got up the nerve to make the appointment.  She was amazing and I hope that this pregnancy is picture perfect and I can have her as my MW, but only time will tell.

To end today on a very happy note.  A few pictures from Nolan's 2nd Bday!!

On the way to the zoo!!! ((2 and still RF FWIW ;-))

 '




 Nolan and Daddy

He seriously loved this turtle. He kept following it along the bottom of the glass!!

He kept staring every time kids walked by <3 br="">

Daddy wimped out on feeding the Rhino's so I took it for a spin!! Kind of.... slobbery! An interesting experience, for sure!

It appears the plans to wait to TTC have failed

Because we are PREGNANT. Feb 8th was Nolan's 2nd birthday and after spending a couple days suspecting, I took a test. What a birthday present for my little boy, a baby LOL!! The emotions are high, mostly I'm freaked out... and excited. Hubs is as happy as can be, of course! We have yet to go to the doctor, but I am... working on it.

Nolan's birthday was so much fun! We opted out of doing a traditional birthday party this year. We decided to do a "behind the scenes" tour at Lowry Park Zoo. We all enjoyed it! Nolan was very freaked out by the Rhino's, but who can blame him, they weigh thousands of pounds! I'll have to add some pictures later, it really was a lot of fun!

Beginning the plans for my VBAC/HBAC have been quite a headache. I keep reminding myself that I am still REALLY early and there is plenty of time to find a provider. I wish I could make a definitive decision between hospital or home, but I keep waffling between the two.  I have a lot of concern surrounding becoming hypertensive with this pregnancy again, if it happens, and can't be controlled I feel like I'll be pushed into another C-Section and I do not want that. I am attempting to get up the nerve to make an appointment for a consultation with a midwife, but I am afraid of being told that I am NOT a good candidate. Crazy paranoia? Yes, most definitely.

My goal this pregnancy: To document everything here, as often as possible, so that I have a good reference base. I really slacked off with Nolan, but I am determined to keep an up to date on everything this pregnancy. So as of today, a matter of days past 4 weeks, I am already having the pain in my lower back from my titled uterus that I experienced with Nolan's pregnancy. I had an appointment with my chiropractor yesterday and I feel SO much better. The tata's already feel like they are trying to pick up production, which is also different from Nolan's pregnancy. Though, I am hoping I remain lucky and end up with no morning sickness this time as well (a mama can help). I am making some changes to my diet (it's been awful lately) and trying to start finding time to fit in some short walks. I am determined to be as healthy as possible this pregnancy. I have cut *way* back on my caffeine, upped my water intake, been hoping on my gazelle (though I'd prefer to just walk, but that will probably only be on the weekends), and just... relaxing. Trying not to stress about all the crap running through my head. It is a work in progress ;-)

As we approach 2013.....

The itch for another baby continues. I feel like everyone around me has a newborn or is pregnant or is TTC... and honestly, most days it drives me mad. We were supposed to be casually TTCing starting this past month, but alas life happens and the baby making has been pushed back another year. I 'know' its for the best, no doubt, but it does not make it suck any less.

Nolan is growing. He is so big and vocal. I love how much he learns and grows everyday. He is such a kind and loving soul, it amazes me all.the.time. His second Christmas is approaching and daddy and I are beyond excited. Last year was fun, but he'll be much more involved this year and we just can not wait!! So far on the Christmas list is a Fisher Prce 3-step table, plastic dump truck (for outside), a Radio Flyer rocking/bouncing horse, a set of Hot Wheels cars, a potty chair, and a couple Christmas DVDs.

New pictures are definitely needed. Note to self, take a break from school work, and add pics to the Blog! (We'll see how well that works)

Weight Watchers Week 2 & 3

Week 2 was depressing. After walking 5 out of 7 days I had not lost nor gained a pound. Boring and  uneventful which is why I didn't post  :)

Week 3 ended with a total of 6 out of 7 days walked and a loss of 4 pounds. I was pretty bad over the weekend so I'm surprised I did that well!

So yesterday started Week 4! I ordered a gazelle that was supposed to be added to my workout this week, but some how I "site to store"d it to Atlanta, GA so um... I have to get that sorted out! Haha!

This is also Week 2 of my re-quitting smoking. The patches are making sleeping difficult. I get crazy dreams and am tossing and turning all night. This makes for an extra cranky mommy!!

Nolan and I went to the park after work yesterday. We had SO much fun, he didn't want to get off the swing!! Kept screaming at me and doing a death grip when I tried to take him out to play with something else! He's such a little stinker. I love with classes being out we get to spend more time together. Last night we just rolled and played on my bed until he got tired and ready to go to sleep, it was wonderful! <3

Oh and my goal is to take some time to take a picture this week so I can compare progress as I go. I don't know if I'll post it yet since I'm pretty self-conscience, but we'll see ;)