It appears the plans to wait to TTC have failed

Because we are PREGNANT. Feb 8th was Nolan's 2nd birthday and after spending a couple days suspecting, I took a test. What a birthday present for my little boy, a baby LOL!! The emotions are high, mostly I'm freaked out... and excited. Hubs is as happy as can be, of course! We have yet to go to the doctor, but I am... working on it.

Nolan's birthday was so much fun! We opted out of doing a traditional birthday party this year. We decided to do a "behind the scenes" tour at Lowry Park Zoo. We all enjoyed it! Nolan was very freaked out by the Rhino's, but who can blame him, they weigh thousands of pounds! I'll have to add some pictures later, it really was a lot of fun!

Beginning the plans for my VBAC/HBAC have been quite a headache. I keep reminding myself that I am still REALLY early and there is plenty of time to find a provider. I wish I could make a definitive decision between hospital or home, but I keep waffling between the two.  I have a lot of concern surrounding becoming hypertensive with this pregnancy again, if it happens, and can't be controlled I feel like I'll be pushed into another C-Section and I do not want that. I am attempting to get up the nerve to make an appointment for a consultation with a midwife, but I am afraid of being told that I am NOT a good candidate. Crazy paranoia? Yes, most definitely.

My goal this pregnancy: To document everything here, as often as possible, so that I have a good reference base. I really slacked off with Nolan, but I am determined to keep an up to date on everything this pregnancy. So as of today, a matter of days past 4 weeks, I am already having the pain in my lower back from my titled uterus that I experienced with Nolan's pregnancy. I had an appointment with my chiropractor yesterday and I feel SO much better. The tata's already feel like they are trying to pick up production, which is also different from Nolan's pregnancy. Though, I am hoping I remain lucky and end up with no morning sickness this time as well (a mama can help). I am making some changes to my diet (it's been awful lately) and trying to start finding time to fit in some short walks. I am determined to be as healthy as possible this pregnancy. I have cut *way* back on my caffeine, upped my water intake, been hoping on my gazelle (though I'd prefer to just walk, but that will probably only be on the weekends), and just... relaxing. Trying not to stress about all the crap running through my head. It is a work in progress ;-)

As we approach 2013.....

The itch for another baby continues. I feel like everyone around me has a newborn or is pregnant or is TTC... and honestly, most days it drives me mad. We were supposed to be casually TTCing starting this past month, but alas life happens and the baby making has been pushed back another year. I 'know' its for the best, no doubt, but it does not make it suck any less.

Nolan is growing. He is so big and vocal. I love how much he learns and grows everyday. He is such a kind and loving soul, it amazes me all.the.time. His second Christmas is approaching and daddy and I are beyond excited. Last year was fun, but he'll be much more involved this year and we just can not wait!! So far on the Christmas list is a Fisher Prce 3-step table, plastic dump truck (for outside), a Radio Flyer rocking/bouncing horse, a set of Hot Wheels cars, a potty chair, and a couple Christmas DVDs.

New pictures are definitely needed. Note to self, take a break from school work, and add pics to the Blog! (We'll see how well that works)

Weight Watchers Week 2 & 3

Week 2 was depressing. After walking 5 out of 7 days I had not lost nor gained a pound. Boring and  uneventful which is why I didn't post  :)

Week 3 ended with a total of 6 out of 7 days walked and a loss of 4 pounds. I was pretty bad over the weekend so I'm surprised I did that well!

So yesterday started Week 4! I ordered a gazelle that was supposed to be added to my workout this week, but some how I "site to store"d it to Atlanta, GA so um... I have to get that sorted out! Haha!

This is also Week 2 of my re-quitting smoking. The patches are making sleeping difficult. I get crazy dreams and am tossing and turning all night. This makes for an extra cranky mommy!!

Nolan and I went to the park after work yesterday. We had SO much fun, he didn't want to get off the swing!! Kept screaming at me and doing a death grip when I tried to take him out to play with something else! He's such a little stinker. I love with classes being out we get to spend more time together. Last night we just rolled and played on my bed until he got tired and ready to go to sleep, it was wonderful! <3

Oh and my goal is to take some time to take a picture this week so I can compare progress as I go. I don't know if I'll post it yet since I'm pretty self-conscience, but we'll see ;)

Weight Watchers Week One!

Week One and I am down 3 pounds! Not bad considering we only got to walk one day this past week. This is the last week of classes (YAY! Exams....) I get off early this week though so I'm aiming for at least 3 days of walking. Starting next week (depending on work schedule) I am aiming for 5 days, at least 30 minutes a day! Gotta get some of this weight off before we TTC#2 =)

So here I am, one week down at 207lbs! Only.... alot more to go!

On the Nolan front, we are up to 8 teeth! It's amazing the boy didn't have any until he weas over 11 months old and now they are just popping through left and right. I guess that is why he is seeping so horrid and ending up in bed with us pretty regularly these days. We've decided we will be weaning before classes start back in the fall. I am not looking forward to that, it is going to be difficult...... =( I need him to be able to be put to sleep by himself. I can't be nursing hime while on Clomid either and it is especially hard to TTC if there is always a baby in bed with you. So we'll see. I have plenty of time to look into different methods and find one that wil work for us. Wish us luck LOL!!

It's time to LOSE IT!!!

Weight that is!! I started Weight Watchers on Monday... Weighed in at 210 pounds O_o

This week and next I will just be counting points, school is out after next week (finals, yay...) and I'll hopefully be joining a gym. A couple of the ones in our area are offering free trials, so I'm going to give it a go and see how I like it.

I'm going to *try* to remember to log in what I weigh each week to keep myself accountable, but I'm realistic and know I'll probably forget ;) My goal is to loose at least 40 pounds, but preferaby 60! I am SO ready to get this weight off!!

Hubby and I have decided that we will be TTCing #2 at the end of this year (or possibly Jan 2013)!!! There are a few things (finances, birth issues, etc) before it is set in stone, but it's looking ike I will definitely be having a baby by the end of next year =D

Anyways, just my quick update!!

My First Post Partum Cycle

Not that it's anything anyone is overly interested in, but I feel the need to get a few things out. I started my period after almost 13 months of being gloriously AF free on March 1st. I didn't expect much, but decided to start tracking as a just in case-so that I could an idea of what my body was doing. Everything was going relatively normal (for me) with near positive OPKs, bunch of jagged temps, and a whole lot of random fertile CM. Than on March 26th, something crazy happened!

Thats right, a positive OPK O_O Hubby and I stared in disbelief at what could NOT be happening. I ovulated, ON MY OWN! This was an awesome (albeit unexpected) event. Something we had hoped would happen after having Nolan, but never truely expected. The problem being, we had DTD on the 24th. Meaning we, were unfortunately in the 2WW.

As excited as I was to have ovulated, my emotions led me to scared sh*tless of the possiblity of being pregnant. Yes, I want another baby. No, I do not want another baby NOW. 2 under 2, um.... No thank you O_O Now sitting at 6dpo, awaiting the next 8-9 days until this cycle is over. I am at the mercy of chance at the moment and awaiting the answer.

While putting Nolan to sleep tonight

I became a complete emotional basket-case. He was being kind of fussy and wasn't wanting to nurse. So I put him on his tummy and was patting his back like usual, no go! I picked him up started rocking him, and humming to myself. He instantly quieted down. So I started to sing, and since I don't know any lullabys I was making up my own. I'll spare you the details of the lullaby since it had no rhythym and I couldn't even manage to make it rhyme most of the time, but he seemed to enjoy it.

All that kept running through my head is, that this time is so short. How much longer til he doesn't need me anymore?? Everyday he grows more and more independent, everyday I become less and less neccesary to him. I don't want this time to end. I don't want him to grow up, but I know that is unreasonable.

The love I have for him is unexplainable. I've never felt this for anyone; not my mom, not my dad, not my brother, and not even my husband. This connection, this love for my son is vast-it is almost painful. A part of me wonders if I could love another child this much, but I know I could. I know that I have more love to give. This feeling that I get when I watch him sleep, his little lips moving while he is dream nursing, is the most amazing feeling in the entire world. I never thought anything could compare to the feeling of his kicks in the womb, but this definitely trumps it.

I want more babies. I know it and that scares me. The whole idea of going through fertility meds again, meds that might not even work (since they barely worked last time). Funding anything more than Clomid is almsot impossible for us. Plus, if I have another baby I want to stay home. Working is the most painful thing in the entire world, leaving my baby everyday in the care of someone else. That's an unrealistic pipe dream since today's economy is not built for someone to be able to live on a one person income.

All these things ran through my mind as I sang my baby to sleep, wondering just how many more times I would get the opportunity to do this. Not enough, I can tell you that much.

Sorry this was such a heavy post I had to put this someone. I had to get it out. So, to end on a good note, heres a new pic of my little man <3