Beta Results

At 13DPO my beta was 59 which is supposedly good for that early =) So I am pretty happy about that!! My first appointment is July 7th and I am so very nervous about the whole thing... I am so afraid of walking in there, getting my sonogram, and there being nothing there... It scares me more than I care to describe... It is unrealistic for me to feel this way, especially since I have never had a loss before and I am not experiencing any miscarriage symptoms... I think I am just crazy LOL
I am still worried about the simple fact that I am experiencing very few pregnancy symptoms... My biggest one is a stabbing sensation (almost like O pains) in my pelvic area; also alot of heavyness feeling (if that makes sense)... Other than that just major heartburn and very very slight breast tenderness... I am still early though, only 4Weeks 4Days tomorrow! The next 2 weeks until my appointment are going to be torture, but I will just have to push through it and try not to stress about it (yeah right!!)

Everything Changes

For the best!!! We are pregnant and I am still in complete disbelief!! I had already wrote us off and started adjusting to the idea that we would not have a baby for quite some time. I am overly excited, but also scared and worried that I will loose it...

I went for a blood test yesterday to confirm, but I won't get the results back until Monday or possibly Tuesday... Which sucks, but its all a waiting game! I won't be able to get in for my first prenatal for a few weeks so I am just going to have to tough it out lol

William immediately started telling everyone and now I don't think there is a single person that doesn't know that we are pregnant!!

'Last' Month of TTC

I can't say that I am not just a little bit relieved that we are almost done with the Meds! Although, I am not giving up hope of having a child just yet I do know that it will probably be quite some time before we seek further medical assistance. Who knows, maybe we will get a miracle between now and than =)
Somehow I ended up with 5 extra Clomid pills, so after ringing my doctor he said if I wanted to go to 200mg for this month than basically to 'go for it' LOL He cracks me up! So that is what I am doing! I am doubtful it will make any difference, but its worth a shot!!
Hubby had an interview last Monday, but he didn't get the job =( He has another one tomorrow! I am so excited!! Usually he can't even get in for an interview, but now he's had 2 in a week and a half!! So I am keeping my FX that this one works out for us!! We have both been so very stressed financially and emotionally... TTC has drained us beyond we were prepared and with him not working it has been just that much worse!

Mothers Day/Grandpa In Hospital

Was alot harder than I thought it would be... Although I did enjoy spending the morning with my mom... I dyed her hair, we went shopping, etc.. It was nice and got my mind off of everything for the most part... At least for a little while anyway =(
I am so overly depressed, I think it makes it even worse that our 3 year wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of this month... I so want to give DH a child and the thought it may not happen for us is over bearing.. On top of everything else we only have one more cycle after this one.. At that point our ability to have extra help stops and our chances to conceive without medical intervention is next to zero...
I so wish I could be like DH and be so positive all the time, but I see the world for what it is and not what I want it to be as he does...

After my beyond crappy day, I get a call a little while ago that my Grandpa fell off a ladder and hit his head... He has bleeding in his brain and some swelling as well. The doctors say they will not know the full extent of damage for a couple of days.. So until than we are all on pins and needles...

Smiley Face!!

So later on in the evening after my post complaining no + OPK I get a + OPK LMAO!! Still feeling un-optimistic about us getting pregnant on the Clomid, but were still going for it =) Me and DH have been talking about fostering/adoption over the past couple of weeks!! Fostering is something I have always wanted to do, but he is still iffy on it. He is worried of getting attached to a Foster child and than them leaving, which is understandable but I would love to be there for a child during a very tough period in there life. He is becoming more open to adoption (which he was so against it in the beginning)

I tried to get him to agree to adoption long before we began TTC, but he really had the desire to have a child of his own. I always knew it would be a struggle (if possible at all) to have a child and honestly never wanted the stress of TTC. I am almost relieved that we are about done with the Clomid. At least at that point we can begin focusing on other things in our life.

Since going to an RE and going through injectibles is just not financially realistic for us, we have both accepted that there is a very good chance that this could be the end of TTC for a long time. Although even after the Clomid is over and done with, I may still temp and watch my signs just in case I happen to get a fluke O of my own =) Anywho, Keep your FX for me!!

Overly Aggrevated...

It is CD19 and I still have yet to get a + OPK... Ugh... I usually would have gotten one by now!! I don't know if being sick is pushing it back some or if it's not going to happen at all I am at a total loss... Temping is pointless because I am feverish and my temps in the a.m. are crazy high... Me and DH started BD'ing on Friday though and will continue to do so everyday until I am 100% positive I already ovulated, I really don't want to miss it... Especially with this being the month before our last month of TTC...

Upside is I am starting to feel better, although I am still really stuffy and sneezing and coughing like crazy better none-the-less LOL Anywho, I suppose I just have to be patient and see what the next couple days bring =) Patience was never exactly my strong suit!

Just a little vent,,,,,

Cycle #6 here we are... I have pretty much lost all hope in the Clomid altogether... I am expecting nothing out of this cycle or the next... I am going to call to find out how much an HSG will cost so that maybe I can at least get that done and out of the way... What other reason could there be for not getting pregnant yet, unless my tube's are blocked? It is currently CD 16 and BD'ing is supposed to begin this weekend, but I am sick as a dog and can barely function so I don't know how thats going to work... Can nothing ever work out smoothly? No wonder my favorite saying was always "Life sucks, and than you die" LOL

DH's cousin and girlfriend have also been TTC for a while, although after like 3 years they still refuse to get any additional help or admit that one of them might have a problem... Completely baffles me, anyway... His cousin was telling us that his girlfriend might be pregnant, and than went on about how they didn't need any help and how they did it all on there own... All of this right in front of me, when for 1 he knows how long we've been trying and for 2 knows that I am on meds to help us get pregnant!! I was so infuriated I almost threw him out of my house, but I kept my cool and just went and laid down =( I swear his family is so insensitive and that is exactly why I keep telling DH I don't want most of them to know...

Well I suppose up side is if the Clomid doesn't work, than we are taking a break from all the TTC mess and will have more time to focus on our relationship and re-modeling out house which I am overly excited about!!